Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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