I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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