better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
