dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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