If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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