So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
