you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
