Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
