I seem to have left my pride at pride
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
