No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
