dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
