she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
