Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I could fuck to npr.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
