i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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