Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
you guys were way drunker than both of me
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
