i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
