Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Sober January is a disaster.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
