Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
