So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
