I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
