Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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