So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
