I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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