Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
