ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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