Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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