He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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