He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
there is puke in my bra ... again
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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