You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
