i may or may not be watching the land before time
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
