I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
