totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
