i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
