So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
