Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
