He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
