I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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