my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
