i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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