I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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