I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
