She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
