Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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