She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I believe in your delicious
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
