Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
