I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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