Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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