Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
