I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
