You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
worst night to have a conscience
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize