i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
