I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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