exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
