Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
