i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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