Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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